Spyhouse Coffee (uptown location at 2404 Hennepin Avenue South)
You can only cry here if you buy a four dollar coffee beverage. It may seem excessive, but many say it’s worth it.
The Dog Park (at the edge of Loring Park)
If you’re a student at MCTC, you’ve probably already taken your finals, or still have them looming on your schedule like a dark entity. They can cause an immense amount of stress. Did you know that petting animals reduces stress? Also crying. If you suppress tears, you will be even more stressed, but if you cry, you feel relieved. Go to this location, cry, and pet dogs, and your stress will be gone! There’s no telling if they’ll kick you out of the park if you go there dogless, so when a security guard walks by, pretend to be a dog. They won’t even bat an eyelash.
Also- remember to always ask before petting a dog.
This sign outside of a parking garage that is located around 4th Avenue & 6th Street is quite deceiving. You think, “Oh. It says ‘self park’, that must mean I can park myself there for a few minutes and have a good cry.”. You can, you just need to be inside of a car to park yourself there.
The Macy’s Skyroom, or as some may call it, The Sky Cry, is a dining room that is located on the 12th floor of Macy’s in downtown. Most everything in this room is white, so if you have an issue with that color, avoid it. This is an ideal location to shed tears during your lunch hour, because it gets really loud, which will cover your sobs. It’s recommended that you get there right before it gets busy, so that way you have a little time to plan what you’re going to cry about, and a choice of seating. If you come on a weekend or later in the day, it might be empty, which will play against you because your sobs will be echoed across the giant room. (photo source)
You are the fountain when you cry at Peavey Plaza! (the fountain is no longer in service) There are plenty of nice trees to sit and cry under, and plenty of ledges to sit on. You’ll feel secluded, but in reality you’re sitting in a hole, and passersby will be able to look down on you. This was one of the better places to cry downtown, but unfortunately they are, and have been renovating this brutalist plaza into something more modern, and inviting.
The Downtown Minneapolis Target (900 Nicollet Mall)
With business people walking in and out of the doors every single minute, it’s a nice place to sit and contemplate why you are alive, and just how lonely you are. It’s a string of thoughts best served with a side of tears. Just make sure that you’re out of the way, if not, you are sure to be stepped on by a hurried person who is wearing soul crushing heels.